Making a Guest List

Deciding who does, and doesn’t, get invited to one of the most important days of your life can be a difficult task fraught with anxiety about who you want, or don’t want at your wedding. Choosing who you definitely want there is the easy part. Friends and family who you have always been close to and wouldn’t dream of celebrating without can be added to the guest list in the blink of an eye. The hard part comes with more complicated relationships, for example ex partners of family or friends, or new partners for that matter. And what about co-workers? Can you invite one person from your small office and not the other without seeming rude?

When you sit down to write your list, close your eyes and imagine your wedding reception. Imagine looking around at all of your family and friends and write down the names of the faces that you see smiling back at you. Ask your fiancé to create his own dream list for his side. This is probably your most honest ‘A’ list of guests. Refining the list will, unfortunately, involve considering finances, space and a bit of politics.

If your ‘A’ list is already too long for your budget, then you will have to make some cuts. But before you start crossing out names, consider splitting the wedding into three parts- the ceremony, the reception meal, and the party. Explain to your guests that because of limited budget you can’t invite everyone to the meal, but that you hope they will join you in celebrating with them for drinks and dancing. Good friends who deserve to be on that ‘A’ list should understand this, and care more about being with you and sharing some part of your day than getting a free meal.

If you really don’t want to exclude anyone from the whole event, then think about how you could economise the reception to be able to include everyone. By having a buffet, instead of a three course meal, could everyone be there? If your budget allows for the full guest list, be sure to make sure there is also enough space at your chosen venues for all of your friends and family.

After your own ‘A’ list is complete, speak to your parents, and those of your fiancé. They will probably have more names that they would like to add, for example old family friends or relatives who they feel should be there. You may also have other people who you feel should be at the wedding, either out of politeness or necessity. This will create your ‘B’ list.

There are always difficult choices to make about who you feel you have to invite out of necessity but don’t really want there. People you will invite because you don’t want to offend them or cause an argument amongst your family. Many brides create a ‘C’ list of these people who they invite, even though they don’t want them there. Unless you are having a huge wedding where the number of guests isn’t limited by budget or space, try to be ruthless. If you don’t want someone at your wedding, what will you be losing if they get annoyed at you for not inviting them? This might be the perfect opportunity to decide who is important to you in your life, and who you should say goodbye to.

At the end of the day, do you want to pay for someone to enjoy a great meal and party if they don’t really mean enough to you to be on your ‘A’ list? The chances are that the people on that dream list are there because they have been good friends, and are close to you, and it is those people who you want to share your special day with.